I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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