i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
