I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
