the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
