no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
