I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
