I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
