Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
