I'm going to jail i love you
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
