i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize