I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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