sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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