I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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