you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
