I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
wow bdsm is so cute
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
