Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
two words...techno handjob
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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