We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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