I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
