R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize