he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
