Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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