Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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