i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
