If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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