Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
