i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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