I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
