I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize