tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
