I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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