Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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