I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
