The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
