yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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