WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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