pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
