The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
