brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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