So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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