if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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