Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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