I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I didn't shave. On purpose
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
