Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just gift wrapped bread.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
