I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize