@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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