i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
