i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
