No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
