So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
