My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
