when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
