Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it's like heaven, but drunker
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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