like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
