who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
