I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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