I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
