Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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