hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
