I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
