remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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