remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
