So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
