people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
