I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
