Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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