I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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