i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
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