DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
