There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
