Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
