if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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